The struggle is real 4: Sex and its boundaries.

Its a wrap up for the month of love. Its been an amazing journey, journey of learning, adjusting and stirring of things that might have been buried in forgetfulness.. Not forgetting the pastor who has been teaching this series. His cool demeanor from the outlook is quite deceiving. He has this witty tendencies that has made the series very relatable and easy to grasp.

I totally love how the preacher has been beginning the sermon, a thought provoking question. It has been a grip to cause one to be curious, it also creates an expectancy. Personally am not one who love engaging in matters to do with relationship and love. I am the worst to be in such conversations, I no longer have energies to defend what I believe,neither do I want to sell my school of thought. I belong to the school of hard knocks, story for another day.

I was kinda offended, how can one underrate flowers? Like how on earth do you call flowers wild bush? Well, I felt attacked when the pastor said that flowers are some wild bushes. Some of us flower sweeps us of the feet. We need to revisit the five languages of love, in fact I felt cheated when they gave me chocolate instead of flower. Flowers have a way of creating a fresh environment that brings life to those around. This doesn’t cut across to everyone, thanks to mask that my facial expression was not out their. I was hurt, but its life!

Today we gonna be candid and raw as much as possible, we delve in one of the conversations that church and believers at large are shy at addressing. Its one area most of us learnt in passing, either through television, friends, reading or in the process of exploring. Sex is a taboo that even mentioning it you avoid eye contact, truth be told very few people were taught about sex by their parents. Apparently the puberty age has gone down to the age of nine, I thought you should know.

The question of the day brought my jaws down, it was unexpected yet I have never given it a thought. What would be the advantages and disadvantages if sex didn’t have boundaries? Quite interesting! For a minute my mind shut down, it could not process what that would look like. Anyway as usual we had different answers from the congregation, one said, we will have many children. Someone else said it will not have value. I was like a zombie when I listened to the answers.

Well, this took me back to growing up. Am among the few people who had a conversation matters sex from my dad. I relished that moment when he came home with newspaper on one of the world aids day. He allowed me and my younger sisters to go through the dairies. It was quite a test we didn’t know what he was up to. In a nutshell, he helped us to see that if we go sleeping around with men,not only would we get pregnant but we can as well get a virus. What a man. may his soul rest in peace.

We are sexual being, when God created male and female that is where it all began. He gave sex as a gift for procreation. It is to be enjoyed in the right context. Sex is divine and it was in his plan as he created human being. Does that give us room to be careless and go overboard? Not at all, Yes we will struggle because we are sexual being, how we respond to it matters.

This brought us to the sermon of the day, sex and its boundaries. Do we really need the boundaries? Is it of any essence that we keep the boundaries? What do we benefit from keeping the boundaries? What does the word of God say in regards to sex? You see, its very easy to give in to the sexual desire but we do not have the control of what happens after giving in. 1 Corinthians 6:13 says. Foods for the stomach and the stomach for foods, but God will destroy them. Now the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lords,and the Lord for the body. 1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee sexual immorality.Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual sins against his own body. (NKJV) Sex is to be enjoyed in the context of marriage, anything out of that is sexual immorality. However we brand it, its immoral and its a sin.

We are living in very interesting time where being a virgin is outdated and old school. Sex we see from the word of God that, all every sin that man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual sin sins against his own body. Its simple as that, when we engage in sexual sin we sin against ourselves. Its not for the world to know, the guilt will follow wherever we go. Sex was created by God himself but it is to be honored and it has its boundaries. It would be bad walking all around with guilt and condemning what happened. We instead should hold on, pull up our pants.

We ought to avoid things that trigger sexual urge, we agreed that we are sexual being. This means what you see, what you hear, conceive,and process will influence our sexuality. In the era where we can access anything right at our finger tips it calls for high level of self control. Pornographic sites are accessible anytime anywhere. Immorality is acceptable in our modern day society.

Where does this leave us? Do we live a reckless life and not talk about it? Not at all. We have an obligation to bring up a generation. The word of God is standard it does not change with era or generations. Its infallible, it can be trusted, its where we get our blue print in all areas of our lives, this includes sex and sexuality. Our take home being we need to do a candid introspection on the loose ends and tighten our belts. We need to be radical on saying and having conversation around it. We cannot continue shying away that which holds our future. We need to be on guard, it begins with each one of us married or not married. Even the married confess the struggle is real, work places, on the streets and even in churches are not either making it easy for them. We have control of what to do after we see. Flee , do not be tempted to touch, do not allow your heart to process what you see.

Sexual sin harbors guilt that you might have to walk with for decades. Does this mean those who have fallen in it cannot receive grace? Not at all! We have a gracious God, he wont relent to extend it to us freely. We have a role to play. Which is, acknowledging we are heading the wrong direction and making a u-turn, seek solace in Him. He will not fail us. Seek counsel, also ask someone to hold you accountable to the new commitment.

What an interesting way to end the month of love. There is a clarion call to each one of us. We have to get out of our comfort zone and package this giant around sex, in a way that a believer or even a growing child would embrace it the right way. We need to create an environment where our children can be free to engage with us, without judging harshly. We cannot afford to be like our parents who the only thing they told us, was to keep away from boys or girls and somehow we interpreted what they meant.

Well, as I come to an end of this series I have to confess, for the first time I allowed what is in my heart to be read in the public. This was through the struggle is real series in my word press. This is a highlight for me. It has been a safe place for me where I keep writing but no one knows I do. Anyway hope to explore more in public space. I am glad I embraced the series and engaged a learning mode as the series began, this has opened things in me that have been in the shelves unattended,to God be the glory.

In conclusion, this one might be tough! I have to say age is not a number it comes with so many changes and experiences, Physically, emotionally,socially and economically. The topic desperate for love and relationship to a person in their twenties is not same for one in their thirties. It is a whole topic for another day. How to know he or she is the one, it means a whole difference depending on which age bracket you are in. True love is also different depending on the age gap. When we talk about sex and boundaries, you will be wrong to put similar disclaimer to a person in the age gap of thirties and forties in the same category with a person in their twenties. People who are progressed in age priority changes and they face different challenges. Physical changes come in handy, cases of hormonal imbalance. What triggers them is not even what they see, it goes beyond. They fight a battle no one knows or understand. Sometime not even a single person looks at them and says a word in matters relationship. Saad, but its a reality that is with us.

Getting married does not make one smart on matters relationship and love. With all due respect,It is offensive to start giving tips to people who have waited a little longer than you did. Silence will suffice. It will be prudent to pray for them. I have one policy, if you are not praying for someone, do not ask when they will get married,period. Its not right and it does not go down well. Getting married doesn’t earn you master of counselling, if not asked for your help please do not be quick to offer. When I say this am referring to seniors who are in the waiting. It might be helpful to your peers or those younger than you but not for the mature.

As mentioned earlier this was going to be tough. As I wrote this my heart kept drawing to those in the waiting room for long and even now no one is approaching them. The group that is not categorized, they are no longer youth and yet they are not married. They are always forgotten lot. No one knows what they are struggling with. The battles they go through can only be understood by one who has walked in their shoes. The struggle is real, pressure is mounting on them from all sides, they have beaten themselves and have termed themselves as failure. They cannot even contain the pressure within,yet the society either is not giving them room. When they go to church, all gatherings its like the whole world has joined hands against them.

You see, they have every reason to throw in towels. They got into relationship that progressed to even introduction and later it never materialized. Anytime someone sees them with a man the question that follows is not pleasant. When they do something extra they are misunderstood, no one is paying attention to this glaring need. Ask a woman or a woman in late thirties or in forties how they roll. You will be surprised!I salute all seniors in waiting. The journey can only be understood by one who has walked through and has a success story. The struggle is more real that side.

As I wrap up, I want to challenge each one of us to be gracious enough one to another. Let our words be seasoned with grace. Let us treat others better than ourselves. Be a brothers keeper, hold someone accountable and be deliberate to walk with someone. To a sister or a brother in waiting, one day, just one day,this God will do it for you. I do not know how, but I know He is well able. The journey is not for the swift, gird yourself with strength. Be kind to those around you even when they least deserve it. Do not be the reason someone ends up doing a drastic silly mistake.

A good preacher has bare minimum of three conclusions I have a passed the test. On a lighter note. This series has been inspired by the sermon series that we have been going through. The sentiments expressed in all my writings are personal thoughts from a random girl. Hope you enjoy the read. Your feedback is highly appreciated

#faithoverfear #kingdomofGodfirst #Fearlessmentality #donotforsakemercyandtruth

2 thoughts on “The struggle is real 4: Sex and its boundaries.

  1. Reading this an translating it to my first language has been enlightening.
    Thank you for pointing us to seeing that God is trustworthy and that His word is the standard…not the world.

    To Him be all praise. Hallelujah,He will hold us fast!


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