Hello February, the month of love. It comes with mixed feelings, to some it’s all jubilation, to others it’s a reminder they are seriously single. Most importantly it will be unfair to ignore the fact that one is healthy and alive. The same month, some are fighting for their lives in critical condition or else coming to terms with the death of a spouse or a fiancé.
It’s been a minute! Ten years of God’s faithfulness and unending love. If I was told that I will be able to see ten years later, I’d say it’s impossible. All was rosy and taking shape a decade ago. I was waiting to be betrothed to the love of my life. The man whose love had swept me off my feet was finally making it official. What more would a girl ask for in the month of love? It is every girls’ dream to get married the right way.
Ten years of resting in power sweetheart. And yes, you still are my sweetheart even in death. If you were still alive maybe, just maybe our four children would be all grown. Some will be in school, of course, you’d make a good Dad. By now you would be an ordained Reverend. Gosh! On the other hand, I would be Mama Kanisa. Why am I even laughing?
Let’s say I was loved right and am forever indebted, this did set a precedence of what became of me. Allow me to reminisce and relish those moments. By the way, he was not my first love, story for another day. Anyhow if love was a person, I’d gladly display you, my love. Before I met you, I was so biased towards men and I did not have any kind words in regards to men. You made me change my mind.
My memory fails me, I remember before we started dating, how I would say bad things about men and, that made you cow down from asking me to be your girlfriend.
You introduced me to the love for flowers, I remember you picking me up at the bus stop with a bouquet. My campus days! I belong to the category of girls who were in a stable relationship at Campus, pardon me those who completed campus with only a degree. Mine came in double double.
Did I forget to say why You won my heart? You made a promise that you would visit me in Uganda which you did several times. You guy my guy, you spoilt this girl. I remember the day I came from a mission at Kericho, you waited for me in town till late, you ensured I got home safe and sound.
Fast forward 4th Feb 2012! The day of reckoning was at hand, my sweetheart was no more. For a moment it felt like a bad dream that I would wake up from. Well, it was not a dream it is what it is. He had transitioned together with our Best man. What was meant to be a celebration turned out berserk. How, why, who, I was in limbo for some months. To say the least, I was utterly devastated.
Today a decade later when I look back, it had to be me who had to go through this. I would be lying to say it has been an easy journey, but God. All through God has been with me. Even on days, I feel distance He has been all around me. Holding me up, fighting many battles, some that I know and others I am not aware of.
This day left indelible marks and strides that I can’t ignore. My life puzzle is not complete without this. A major trajectory, major shift, major change in perspective. I guess I became more empathetic. I have learned the person of Christ in a very deep way. I have experienced love from people who know me, and even strangers.
I share my story, I no longer cry, not that I stopped loving you. I chose to relish our beautiful memories. Our days together though they were few, are priceless and my heart was full so it is a decade later.
I admire how balanced your life was, how would you manage to be present for all that mattered in your life? Work, serving in church, and still spare ample time for me. I tell you I can’t even compare, how I lead my life. On my days of serious introspection, I can’t help but wonder If it were me who died. Would you remember me ten years down the line? Quite sobering!
Just last year I talked to your sister and she called out my name Njeri wa Chege! I am a constant reminder to your family. Your nieces still call me auntie sweetie. I battled about it and made peace, I was their aunt, and still, I am. Just one wish and regret, no offense, I needed to be pregnant with you.😍😍 The reality of this sets in at different times. When I meet your family all we talk is about you. I feel it would have been better if I had your child. My sister calls it a hard copy of herself.
You see, being the wearer of the shoe, I know where it hurts most, of course, I have had bad days, very bad. I have the best of days and I love my life. I am much aware of the biological clock is ticking more than any other person. In my closet, I have those moments. Imagine this year we would be celebrating our tenth anniversary but the reality is am very single.🤗🤗
Some will say, I have not healed, others will say you are putting high standards on men, others will say I am unserious I sometimes feel so. Others will avoid the conversation, others will be like she is petty and selective. I receive all much aware of the space I am at. I stopped meeting people’s expectations and decided to seize the moments. Singlehood has an expiry date marriage is a lifetime.
To be continued………………………..